hey squids, i feel extrememly useless and stupid. hmm my mum must be really sad to have given birth to such a pathetic person who is just lazing around at home every single day of her school hols. she is either doing np stuff on the comp, or yfc stuff on the comp, or visiting fb, or doing stupid things like stoning at home, sleeping and eating the whole day. i just cant bring myself to do anything more serious than np and yfc, that is homework. i just cant focus. i tried to do my ih but i ended up just reading tru lines and lines of words and suddenly i will be asking myself what am i doing, cos i dun even know i am reading the words, nothing just goes inside my brain. so my ih is still undone. there isnt a single word about it written yet. i owe my teacher an ying yong wen and 3 compre but i havent touch them at all. i am screwed i know but i cant make myself touch any work i dunno why. why am i such a failure. why why why. cant even make myself do my work when school is going to reopen and the teachers will be like.. what the heck have you been doing during ur sch hols??? and no it's not cos i took up a lot of stuff during my sch hols. its just me who cant accept reality. you always blame me for not staying at home. i know its my fault. its always my fault. i am not trying to push the blame. it is ture that i could have done more to stay at home more often but who knows that this will happen. for every normal school day, i return home to see a blank wall and i am just leaving in fear. perhaps you dunno this is why i always want to stay in school till so late cos i am afraid of being alone. i didnt do anything bad but i dunno what constitutes to this fear which keep coming up to me. its hard for me to explain this to you. everything i do will add on to ur stress cos i am useless. how i wish i can help ou relieve your stress- i know the only way is for me to come straight home everydya after school. after i try to alleviate your stress, she will come and screw it up with all her outings every weekend with him. why cant she understand your thoughts, i also dunno why. i dunno why it never rings to her that she shld be staying at home more freq instead of treating this as a hotel. why must i always regret only when sth bad happens? why why why. cos this is life and i have to accept it yeah? how i wish i can not study and stay at home with you everyday from now onwards without each of us worrying the other party's stress/ homework. i really hope life will be much better when sch reopens. and everything will stop taking away my gems in life. i dont need anything big i just want a normal life. cant you hear me? it's just a normal life. things as simple as this cant even be fufilled, then what is the meaning of life!!!!!
i dun want to die for not doing my work. can someone help to wake me up?? i really dont want to get that evil stare from the teachers when school reopens.