hello squids 我有一点烦.and sad D:
holiday is nearly over and i feel like..i got disconnected from everyone.
i admit i have always been quite a weird person..i always live in my own world(a.k.a anti-social), but yet i really really want to get closer to people. it's really conflicting!! and i think i have no friends, cos i look at my sis who always sms/talk on phone/msn with loads of ppl, and i can't help comparing myself with her. i dunno if youngters like my sis just love to squeeze out stuff to talk or they just talk to everyone just to make them look popular or smth. but i feel very sad sometimes, and can't help thinking if im the 'abandoned' one.
so..sometimes i actually feel quite out from the squad too.is it just me??i really dunno!i need ppl to tell me like 'actually we don't hate you' or stuff like that. it sounds stupid i know,but then i've always been quite an insecured and paranoid person..D: anw i think im in a weird mood today so im starting to hu2 si1 luan4 xiang3 even more.
and i don't even feel close to my classmates. shouldn't classmates be like always talking to each other and sharing many fun things?? ok maybe we don't even need to be
that close with everyone, but a alot of times when i look around at my classmates, i just feel kinda left out. and there are a lot of cliques, so it makes it even worse cos im just so diff from them(they're more westernized so half the times i dunno who they're talking about..some of them even buy thong and bra for each other's x'mas presents o.o i was a bit 'wth??')
so i'd run to squids everytime.
so..i want to thank every squid for being so kind to me these 3 years..and letting me find a place where i think i truly belong to in ny.i think i have not done well as a squid, cos i was looking at some of our old posts and i realised i have not been really participating in stuff..i apologise for that ): and im really sorry that i have not shown my appreciation to you all through actions or through words or through contributions..
im also very sad that i have missed out so much thing during my stay in china..stuff like atc and ncos life, which is already 'half gone' according to ma'ams. i want to have a common memory with u all, smth which will make me smile or cry when i think of them in the future. and time is running out..we only have half a year more to really stay tgt as a sqd, then we'll break up in jc and etc. D: i really don't want that..but i guess we have no choice but to learn to accept partings which are inevitable in our lives, and grow up bit by bit everytime it happens.
so..no matter how little time we have left, i hope that we can make full use of it,and create perharps,even more memorable memories for us to reminisce in years to come. :)
and thank you all.
p.s sorry for this crappy-long-and-out-of-point post o.o it's more like me complaining and stuff but the second part is the main point..:)
!
