Esther reminded me abt the blog war two years ago two years later, Im still being pissed.I rmb saying we would surpass them, and we will make it but we didn't and will nvr will. I'm a bad nco a rly bad one. I'm fail I never achieved anything in np, not even academics. Why do I exist? Does my existence mean anything? Even when I try my best I don't get there. What have I gotten from these years in ny? Trouble. What have I caused? Trouble. I seeked to instil passion arnd me, I tried so hard to do stuff that never paid off.   Cos I never got chances and never will. I even drag ppl into my trouble when they didn't deserve it at all before. For this, thank u sqms and sorry. U guys are really the best nynp has given me. 

If only ma'ams were stricter with us we won't be of such a lousy standard causing nynp to be mocked. I feel the mockery I feel stupid for being incapable cadets and ma'ams. If only I weren't that rebellious I would have achieved even more than what I set out to. In any case it's too late for regrets, we're going to pop soon, like a balloon that leaves behind it's rubber outsides. It's like throwing off a burden but this burden is the burden that taught me how to live and love and feel. I don't even think I make that difference in anyone's lives. This post is like long accumulated alr so yea it's log winded and gross but I rly wonder what will become of nynp in future. Sometimes it's because u care too much that's why it's painful. And there are somethings that can never be retrived once they are lost, the ct feeling, the team spirit and like the feeling of pitching in the rain while sick and crying like a bobo after that. And the thought of falling into sqms arms while crying is so heartwarming I can still rmb how it felt like. And time zooms past we didn't win and achieve what we wanted to since two years ago and neither did I achieve anything I wanted since 2 years ago. Same thing happened for marksmen. It was a one off thing and I never got to touch a revolver again. Scholarship also same. Maybe life's like that. Tired of it but u go on nevertheless cos there's no time to stand and stare.

The nynp now is just not nynp.