hello squids,

hmm.. i'm so sorry that i'm missing from your presence most of the time.
i dun want to do this either.
i'm now at a loss. i feel so scared :S , i want to talk to someone but i dunno who to talk to. it is hard to talk to someone who will be able to understand how i feel now. it's terrible but i know that there is someone who is feeling even more worse than me right now. i cant help seeing _____ cry, i dunno what to do to help _____, who am i so useless? i dunno why.. i am very scared. i want sch to reopen quickly so that at least i will get to go to sch and mingle with ppl, and forget about the unhappiness buried in me.. but on the other hand, i dun want to leave ____, if i were to go to sch, there will be no one there with _____. i feel so sad. if i can choose to quit my studies now, and stay with _____, i wont mind but i am scared for caring for ____ cos i dunno what to do to show my care. it's so hard. really hard. and i'm very very very afraid of seeing reality. i just cant.

why must life be so complicated with all the suffering. i know that there are ppl who are just putting a strong front but she will end up crying in front of me. while, the cruel me is trying to tell myself to expect the unexpected so that i wont feel so depressed when the unexpected really happens. why an i so cruel...? but if i dun do this, i will end up crying for days when the unexpected comes, and i dun think i will even be in the mood to study.. then i'm going to do badly and teachers are gonna give me that face.. i know i must stay strong for ____ but how am i going to do this? i dun want to let them know that i am so concerned or i am afraid that they will feel bad. i really dunno what to do. i want to help out, but there's nothing much i can help in, and i may end up getting too emotional.

now, i see that my sis is really useless, being the elder one, she is ironically the one who is most not updated abt stuff cos she's always outside, or even if she is at home, she will only be in her world of smsing her bf or doing stuff for him. she's so ignorant.. what she does is only to argue with my parents cos of her ego-ness. why must my parents be the one to give way to her? why?!! i want a new sister, a more sensible one whom i can share my thoughts and feelings with. this is really depressing.

i really dunno what to do. and i just want to apologise to yall for not being able to spend more time with yall. i'm, sorry. dont get angry please. (: